On thought leadership and what I like to think about before I fall asleep

It troubles me that so much of the still-independent internet has devolved into what might be considered thought leadership; I'm not quite sure whether the term is meant to imply that the writer is a leader in terms of thinking or that the writer intends to lead your thoughts in a particular direction, but either way you're going to be told to make your bed and set boundaries in your relationships and tell your boss that you already have three items on your plate and if they want to add another project they'll need to subtract an existing task sequence first (as if that ever worked).

And now that I have committed to staying away from the Substacks and the Reddits and the social media feeds and so on I have limited myself to spaces like Hacker News, which is still somewhat manipulative in terms of its upvotes and downvotes but lacks both an external algorithm and a parasocial network, sooooo –

well, anyway the point is that I mean to tell you that a good third of Hacker News is this so-called thought leadership, have you considered being agentic, have you thought about the ways in which you could manage your day, might you consider drinking more water or doing ten pushups or telling the people you care about how much they mean to you (before it's too late).

And sometimes when HN links to these blog posts I go check to see what the author has made, besides their beds, and the answer is often very little. I mean, obviously many of these writers are gainfully employed, they can program in multiple languages, they seem to have the majority of their poops in various groups and so on, but the blog about the benefits of agentia is the only thing they've got going that hasn't been assigned by somebody else.

Or maybe they're also developing an app that helps you plan your day more agentically, I recently uncovered an extremely well-researched, well-written lode of philosophical advice that seemed like it could be leading both your thoughts and your actions towards a capacity for greatness but all the author had done was create a time-management app soooooooo –

well, anyway after writing all this I am going to write something that reads like a piece of thought leadership and you're just going to have to deal with it.

(I promise I won't make it a habit.)

One of my favorite things to do before I fall asleep is catalog the various aspects of my life and, for lack of a better term, count my blessings.

I want to recommend this to you for two reasons: first because it's been helpful to me, it's impossible to complete this exercise without feeling overwhelmingly relaxed and happy (and, if we're going to use the word, grateful [although I'd rather not because it implies that all of this came from an external source [[which it very obviously didn't]]]), and second because it's a good way to identify which aspects of your life may still need some adjustment.

The thought process goes as follows:

I love [X]. I would have no other.

The second sentence is as important as the first because if you can't think it honestly, if it doesn't yield that sensation of relaxation and happiness (and/or gratitude), something in your life may need to change.

But in my case we begin:

I love my husband. I would have no other.

This is of course true and the best part of the exercise. Then:

I love this bed. I would have no other.

Also true. We did so much research before getting our bed and our mattress, and it's unbelievably comfortable compared to most of the beds I've slept in.

I love this pillow. I would have no other.

My pillow is made of SPACE FOAM (literally, designed by NASA for astronauts) and I take it with me when I travel.

I love my nightgown. I would have no other.

TMI BUT WHATEVER

I love all my clothing. I would have no others.

This, by the way, is not currently true; it was during the winter, but most of my warm-weather clothing is worn out. Realizing that I was not able to say this sentence honestly was a good data point and gave me a problem to solve this week.

I love my haircut. I would have no other.

This seems like it's getting nitpicky but it's important, I promise you. At a certain point you won't, and then you can fix it – and if you don't, you'll be stuck every morning feeling grody or straggly or less than lovely, and I swear to you that I only want you to feel delight when you assess the way you present yourself to the world.

And obviously you can take it as small as you want, sometimes I'm all I love what I'm reading and sometimes I'm not, feel free to be trivial because details matter, and then (if you're not asleep by then) you can start to expand outwards:

I love my musical. I would have no other.

Very true. Writing MELISANDE is the highlight of my day, I wrote a love duet this week and also learned something new about falling in love, I may tell you later.

I love the ways in which I earn money. I would have no others.

Mostly true. There's (at least) one more way in which I would like to earn money but I have to do a little more prep work first.

I love my family. I would have no other.

It took me a while to learn this, and I probably wouldn't have been able to say it when I was younger and didn't have enough of my poops in groups. I am so glad I can say it now, in a way that makes me feel relaxed and happy (and grateful).

Sooooooooo –

that's that, that's all, try it if you like, and I'll try not to lead any more of your thoughts for at least six months.